Happiness, joy, and satifaction cannot be found in external strategies
Within my public speaking, as well as from my practice of mental coach in the area of sports, business, or life coaching, people are often asking me to provide them certain steps, procedures, techniques or methods that would solve their problems, increase their performance, or decrease their level of stress and suffering.
In the world of personal development, the vast majority of approaches work on the assumption that life is hard, but you are thougher and by using willpower, you can overcome everything...
In the past, I used to believe that willpower is the most important aspect in overcoming daily obstacles (problems), in performing well, or in overall personal development.
When you are currently in this stage- it is completely OK – in no case I am trying to change it for you. Because the only one that can change your perspective on this issue is YOU.
The problem of all external strategies, steps, methods, techniques... etc. is a fact that we are trying to apply somebody´s external strategies and at the same time call them self-development and self-help strategies. The technique that works for somebody, does not have to work for the other person... And exactly at this stage, there starts neverending chasing after reliable and sure-fire strategies, techniques, and tools that would guarantee you to forever solve your daily problems, difficult life circumstances, as well as bring you fame and fortune, or finally help you to get rid of anxious, depressed or generally negative feelings.
You could apply a certain approach or technique that would amaze you at the beginning, however its „influence“ weakens over the time, or you are tired of permanent application of this technique. So you are back in the hamster wheel of sure-fire external strategies that results are not stable.
I am personally a supporter of the statement: „If you are applying external strategies, you have not changed in heart...“
Again I do not state you have to agree with me. I am just trying to provide you a different viewpoint on this issue...
When we are talking for instance about motivational strategies, they do not work in the long-term because motivation, as every other emotion is created from the „inside-out“. Not vice versa... In my coaching practice, my role is not to fascinate my clients because the only one who could do that is a client himself...
Lately I have met a friend of mine that was talking about his personal development path, about a new technique or strategie he is currently applying... etc. He was actually very tired, but he was so sure that within a few years, he will have „enough“ money to allow him to slow down and enjoy his life as never before.
I personally call this goal as a toxic one. „If I have enough money, I could finally enjoy my life...“.
Many people set similar goals, and many times after achieving these goals, they are disappointed that a dream feeling does not last.
In my life, I have set many toxic goals. E.g. „When I finish my doctorate studies, I will be inspired and satisfied“. „When I buy this car, I will feel great and confident“.
However the feelings I have dreamt of have never lasted for a longer period of time and often I have felt disappointed, frustrated and emotionally down. At that time, I supposed that I need bigger goals and after achieving these goals, my desired feelings would last. Even in this case I was looking in a wrong direction...
Where do our feelings come from? Why am I sometimes feeling in a certain situation very confident and sometimes do not? Why am I sometimes very motivated to take an action and the other time I am not even motivated to go to the toilet when I get up? :))
What principles are „hiding“ behind human experience? The aswer to this question represents the basis of my coaching. I am not foused on clients´ symptoms or behaviour (as majority of psychological approaches do- around 400), but we are always looking at the original and only cause of our feelings.
My experience is that when people really „see“ (understanding on a deeper level) these principles, they become more creative, productive, they are more relaxed and take their life less seriosly (it does not mean they become careless). If you really „understand“ these principles- you will see who you really are, then doing any external strategies and techniques doest not really make sense.
I never „fix“ my clients because every human being is in his very nature complete and not broken. By progressive revealing of principles behind human experience (by form of insights), a clients is more and more realizing the fact that his mental health, creativity, motivation, passion, and other positive attributes, have never left him and are always „within“ him/her.